Destiny waits in the hand of
God
“Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In
your book were written all the days that were formed for me when none of them
has as yet existed (Ps.139:17).
(A Self
Disclosure)
I grew up in a traditional and middle class
Catholic family, in a small beautiful village. My beloved
parents are blessed with eight healthy and gifted children. Now parents are
reaching their ripe age (Early Eighty’s). We are three boys and five girls and I
am the youngest one. Three boys and two sisters got married and settled. With
my loving parents and siblings, life at home is generally happy. When I was 12
years old, (1981) attended a retreat. The preacher explained his vocation story
during his message, and then onwards I got an inspiration to become a missionary.
As I have completed my 10th
class I told to my mother about my desire. But my parents willingly told first to
apply for pre-degree course then you decide. I got admission in to a famous
college; there I completed my pre-degree course in second group.
After my pre-degree course again I tried to join into a missionary
congregation in United States. My father
told me that “You plan and decide after your studies.” All my family members together
decided to send me for nursing. But my mind was not there! Mean while unexpectedly
I joined in an Industrial Training Institute for stenography course. There my friends and class mates used to
discourage me to join for nursing or religious congregation. After the stenography
course four of my best friends together with me joined for ‘Bachelor in
Commerce’ in a private college. There also friends disheartened me not to join
in a religious congregation.
In the family we the last three girls, are very close to each other and
we shared and expressed all our dream projects together those days. We even
together planned to become religious sisters, and we used to converse about
life in a convent, though we didn’t have any idea about this sort of life.
Because we neither had any contact with any sisters nor any convent in our
parish to know about the religious life. During our childhood time usually we
imitated sisters by wearing habit and all. Amidst of my studies my two elder
sisters joined in different congregations by challenging all their struggles.
After finishing my degree I expressed my ardent desire to become a missionary
sister to parents for the third time. Father told me; “if your desire is to
serve the people, study Special Education Teachers Training Course for the
mentally and physically challenged” (That suggestion was from one of my parish
priests). Though I have no idea about the course, I was really happy to join to
the course. Because my first desire was to become a missionary and second to
become a teacher both will accomplish by this course! I was indeed happy!
I joined for Diploma in Special Education course at Muvattupuzha. At
first I felt so miserable and hard to digest the whole atmosphere. The misery
was beyond my imagination. I could only see everywhere helpless people – Differently
abled children and youth. Some are forgotten by the family members, some are
forced to be in the Institution because of their parent’s helplessness. Slowly I got into the normal rhythm of the
course. The course helped me a lot to realize my personal life, the countless
gifts of my life, get in touch with sisters, and also strengthen the desire to
dedicate my whole life as a missionary etc. After the completion of the said
course I got job as a special teacher at Thrissur.
In the meantime I was invited as a special teacher in abroad. Within no
time passport got ready and at the same time my heart started to beat heavily
because of my desire to become a missionary. I prayed earnestly and stopped
processing for visa; continued my profession in the same school. When I was in
that special school, at home, parents started seeking marriage proposals. They
planned to fix my marriage during vacation when I reach home for holidays. Since
I was the last one, it was their joy to make my marriage as grand as possible. They
intended to fix my marriage with a scientist who was doing his research in New
Delhi. He passed his exams in first rank and after two days of his result
somebody brutally murdered him at New Delhi. Unfortunately my parent’s plan was
gone to a tragic end (parents shared me this incident only after my profession).
But I spend regularly for long time in the school chapel to take a
strong decision which should no way hurt my parents. I also got chances to be
in touch with Nirmala Dasi Sisters and their apostolate. I was very curious to
know about their life and the services. Providentially, without none of their
knowledge, I dig up a chance to read and understand the constitution of Nirmala
Dasi Sisters two three times. Their constitution says: “Nirmala Dasi Sisters
are a community making themselves servants of God’s people, especially the
afflicted and abandoned, render their service to those who are the weakest by
means of a life of prayer, simplicity and hard work without expecting any
reward in return”. This clause influenced
me a lot. There I apprehend that my service is necessary to this congregation.
With this strong belief, my discernment became well-built.
But I had no courage to inform my parents about the decision to join in
to a religious life again. I shared my decisions and oppositions of the family very
confidentially to one of the general councillors of the SNDS congregation at first
time. Never have I shared this decision to any one of the sisters before. She
informed this matter to the Founding fathers of the society- Mar. Joseph
Kundukulam and Msgr. Joseph Vilangadan. After the personal meeting Bishop
Kundukulam allowed me to join in the community as a trial without parent’s
prior permission. But he told me to write a letter to parents before joining
the congregation.
Though I had no courage to disobey my parents I wrote openly to my
parents and all my family members expressing my gratitude and discernment. Before
reaching this letter to my parents I joined for formation. When the letter
reached to my parents, mother became sick. The very next day my parents sent
brother to the convent to see me and inform about my mother and turn back me to
home. I not only did not go with him but also sent my ornaments through him to
my parents. As she saw my ornaments and brother back without me, her blood
pressure increased and admitted in the hospital (I came to know this after my profession).
After one week I went home and met my parents. When they heard my convinced decision parents and
family members did not raise any more objections. Only one of my married sisters
replied me very positively and appreciated my discernment. All these struggles
I could not share with my other nun sisters, because they were in the Novitiate
in each one’s congregation. Finally by
the providence of God after 10 years waiting in 1996 I became a member of the
Society of Nirmala Dasi Sisters.
Ever since I joined in the congregation I felt that this is my home and
this is the place God has planned for me before I planned. I had to wait and
face many hardships and hurdles in order to bring my dream integrated to God’s
will. But God had enabled me to be persistent in all these circumstances. When I think of my two elder sisters, I feel
happy because Sr. Anita is in Congregation of St. John the Baptist and Sr. Ans
is in Sacred Heart Convent as we dreamt. Whenever we get an occasion to be together,
we enjoy the company of one another in the same degree of love and fervour to
this day! I would just love and thank God for all the gift of my family, parents,
siblings and my congregation!
My conviction is that life is a gift of God and treasures it. God has a special
plan for me and each one of us. It is my responsibility to seek the will of
God.
BYE. Sr.
Lissa Rose SNDS, Kerala
