Monday 31 August 2015

Destiny waits in the hand of God





Destiny waits in the hand of God


 “Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me when none of them has as yet existed (Ps.139:17).
(A Self Disclosure)

I grew up in a traditional and middle class Catholic family, in a small beautiful village. My beloved parents are blessed with eight healthy and gifted children. Now parents are reaching their ripe age (Early Eighty’s). We are three boys and five girls and I am the youngest one. Three boys and two sisters got married and settled. With my loving parents and siblings, life at home is generally happy. When I was 12 years old, (1981) attended a retreat. The preacher explained his vocation story during his message, and then onwards I got an inspiration to become a missionary.  As I have completed my 10th class I told to my mother about my desire. But my parents willingly told first to apply for pre-degree course then you decide. I got admission in to a famous college; there I completed my pre-degree course in second group.
After my pre-degree course again I tried to join into a missionary congregation in United States.  My father told me that “You plan and decide after your studies.” All my family members together decided to send me for nursing. But my mind was not there! Mean while unexpectedly I joined in an Industrial Training Institute for stenography course.  There my friends and class mates used to discourage me to join for nursing or religious congregation. After the stenography course four of my best friends together with me joined for ‘Bachelor in Commerce’ in a private college. There also friends disheartened me not to join in a religious congregation.
In the family we the last three girls, are very close to each other and we shared and expressed all our dream projects together those days. We even together planned to become religious sisters, and we used to converse about life in a convent, though we didn’t have any idea about this sort of life. Because we neither had any contact with any sisters nor any convent in our parish to know about the religious life. During our childhood time usually we imitated sisters by wearing habit and all. Amidst of my studies my two elder sisters joined in different congregations by challenging all their struggles. 
After finishing my degree I expressed my ardent desire to become a missionary sister to parents for the third time. Father told me; “if your desire is to serve the people, study Special Education Teachers Training Course for the mentally and physically challenged” (That suggestion was from one of my parish priests). Though I have no idea about the course, I was really happy to join to the course. Because my first desire was to become a missionary and second to become a teacher both will accomplish by this course! I was indeed happy!
I joined for Diploma in Special Education course at Muvattupuzha. At first I felt so miserable and hard to digest the whole atmosphere. The misery was beyond my imagination. I could only see everywhere helpless people – Differently abled children and youth. Some are forgotten by the family members, some are forced to be in the Institution because of their parent’s helplessness.  Slowly I got into the normal rhythm of the course. The course helped me a lot to realize my personal life, the countless gifts of my life, get in touch with sisters, and also strengthen the desire to dedicate my whole life as a missionary etc. After the completion of the said course I got job as a special teacher at Thrissur.
In the meantime I was invited as a special teacher in abroad. Within no time passport got ready and at the same time my heart started to beat heavily because of my desire to become a missionary. I prayed earnestly and stopped processing for visa; continued my profession in the same school. When I was in that special school, at home, parents started seeking marriage proposals. They planned to fix my marriage during vacation when I reach home for holidays. Since I was the last one, it was their joy to make my marriage as grand as possible. They intended to fix my marriage with a scientist who was doing his research in New Delhi. He passed his exams in first rank and after two days of his result somebody brutally murdered him at New Delhi. Unfortunately my parent’s plan was gone to a tragic end (parents shared me this incident only after my profession).
But I spend regularly for long time in the school chapel to take a strong decision which should no way hurt my parents. I also got chances to be in touch with Nirmala Dasi Sisters and their apostolate. I was very curious to know about their life and the services. Providentially, without none of their knowledge, I dig up a chance to read and understand the constitution of Nirmala Dasi Sisters two three times. Their constitution says: “Nirmala Dasi Sisters are a community making themselves servants of God’s people, especially the afflicted and abandoned, render their service to those who are the weakest by means of a life of prayer, simplicity and hard work without expecting any reward in return”.  This clause influenced me a lot. There I apprehend that my service is necessary to this congregation. With this strong belief, my discernment became well-built.
But I had no courage to inform my parents about the decision to join in to a religious life again. I shared my decisions and oppositions of the family very confidentially to one of the general councillors of the SNDS congregation at first time. Never have I shared this decision to any one of the sisters before. She informed this matter to the Founding fathers of the society- Mar. Joseph Kundukulam and Msgr. Joseph Vilangadan. After the personal meeting Bishop Kundukulam allowed me to join in the community as a trial without parent’s prior permission. But he told me to write a letter to parents before joining the congregation.
Though I had no courage to disobey my parents I wrote openly to my parents and all my family members expressing my gratitude and discernment. Before reaching this letter to my parents I joined for formation. When the letter reached to my parents, mother became sick. The very next day my parents sent brother to the convent to see me and inform about my mother and turn back me to home. I not only did not go with him but also sent my ornaments through him to my parents. As she saw my ornaments and brother back without me, her blood pressure increased and admitted in the hospital (I came to know this after my profession). After one week I went home and met my parents.  When they heard my convinced decision parents and family members did not raise any more objections. Only one of my married sisters replied me very positively and appreciated my discernment. All these struggles I could not share with my other nun sisters, because they were in the Novitiate in each one’s congregation.  Finally by the providence of God after 10 years waiting in 1996 I became a member of the Society of Nirmala Dasi Sisters.

Ever since I joined in the congregation I felt that this is my home and this is the place God has planned for me before I planned. I had to wait and face many hardships and hurdles in order to bring my dream integrated to God’s will. But God had enabled me to be persistent in all these circumstances.  When I think of my two elder sisters, I feel happy because Sr. Anita is in Congregation of St. John the Baptist and Sr. Ans is in Sacred Heart Convent as we dreamt. Whenever we get an occasion to be together, we enjoy the company of one another in the same degree of love and fervour to this day! I would just love and thank God for all the gift of my family, parents, siblings and my congregation!

My conviction is that life is a gift of God and treasures it. God has a special plan for me and each one of us. It is my responsibility to seek the will of God.

BYE. Sr. Lissa Rose SNDS, Kerala


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